I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
