I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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