the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He better not be in your backpack
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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