He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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