i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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