You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want to make out with him forever
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
