tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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