There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
