The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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