I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
