Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
