In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
