Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
