I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
