We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
