You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
