Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
