my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize