I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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