It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
