there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
