Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
