Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
