if you like me you must not know who I am
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
