Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
