My cat gives me a boner
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
