I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Life is so much better after having sex.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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