WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
