I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
