I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
