So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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