In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
