i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shame is for Republicans.
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