I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
