Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
