I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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