i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
