Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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