i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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