loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
As shirtless as possible
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
