you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
