We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize