Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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