people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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