Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
