Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
