I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize