Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
