If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
