why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
