is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
