I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
