She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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