And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
