I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize