I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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