Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
