Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
