ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
