Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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