1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
