he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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