honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
