Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
