I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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