I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
