I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's just like the Real World with babies
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
