I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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