Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
