She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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