so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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