Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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