I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
