I puked a lego.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Enjoy the penises
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
