i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
