god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I deserve this hangover.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
