You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
