I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
