hell yes lets make some ravioli
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize