my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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