Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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