I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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