you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
