Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
