the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
