Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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