Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
